things to do in ny when you’re [not] dead

Welcome, brand spankin’ new goal …

“I Love How It Feels When I’m Generous, Pay My Bills Right Away & Have Plenty Of Money Left Over”

My energy is shifting beautifully around money and it feels soooooo good! Thoughts are the engine and emotions are the gas … and I am *so* workin’ the emotions!

Two things are helping me here:

• Appreciation
• Belief

The shortcut to changing your emotional vibration is appreciation. It’s impossible to be in negative emotion and appreciation at the same time.

That credit card you have debt on? “This allowed me to get certain things in that moment. I’m grateful. And I’m so excited about paying it down. Yaay!” How much better does that thought feel?

The Prosperity Game is a wonderful free tool to engage belief and shift feelings around money to a freeing, positive place. I’ve been playing for less than a week and already I feel my (former) resistance dropping away and the excited and enthusiastic energy flowing through.

It feels sooooo good!

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“In your belief that you must hurry to an improved place, you are discounting the power of the Stream, its speed, its direction, and its promise. And in the forgetting of those things, you are definitely pointed in the opposite direction of who you-truly-are and all that you have become.”

- The Astonishing Power of Emotions

Imagine struggling to get upstream, paddling, paddling, paddling away against the current. Now imagine the relief you feel when you simply let go of the oars.

That’s what I’m doing. Letting go. Wanna join me?

They say when you feel an urgency to be somewhere else, you are pushing hard against where you are … trying to go upstream. Thinking it will be better there. Meanwhile, you’re creating unnecessary stress.

Or you may yearn to pick up your boat and TAKE IT somewhere else, in the interest of getting there more quickly. And the guide says, “You rented a boat, I thought you wanted to ride on the water!”

The stream is benevolent and wise. Letting go of the oars promises to bring you to a peaceful place.

Promise.

“The very best moment in any long journey that makes your dreams come true, Col, comes not on the day you realize they have, but on the day you realize how little they matter compared to loving the adventure they’ve inspired.”

- Notes from the Universe

 

 

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So here’s the thing. I can be safe and secure without knowing where things are going.

“C’mon, Col … what? You?”

Yes, me. Look. Here I am safe and secure on the rockin’ rollercoaster … and having a BLAST might I add. Picture this … it’s dark, you don’t know where you’re going, you couldn’t get off if you wanted to … and it’s A FUN RIDE.

That can be life. Trust. Everything is being taken care of. I feel peaceful and confident. Nobody can hurt me.

The key is to stay in the moment and enjoy what’s happening RIGHT NOW.

Appreciate each new surprise. Remember, it’s a rollercoaster going up and down and all around.

So here’s after …

… what do you see? A little bit’a safe and secure? Oh yeah!

Kevin showed me what it’s like to be safe and secure. Now I know what that feels like and it’s a little bit like this …

• rushing water
• pink
• hip-hop music
• strutty
• trust
• peace
• confidence
• love
• hope
• harmony
• strength
• I’m ok right here, right now … at any moment

So my next task is to finish up my Jedi training so I can be in the relationship that’s right around the corner. He’s no longer the life preserver so he’s free to be in my life in a fresh, new way. (Thank you, Mary, for pointing this out to me!)

So now is when I let go and enjoy the ride.

“When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your Work is done.” 

- Byron Katie

When someone you love to the ends of the world and back is mentally bashing you in the face without a good reason, you just have to know they’re hurting sooooooo badly. And each time you hear “fuck you,” it’s really “I’m in pain.”

It may be very faint but if you listen real hard, I know you’ll hear it.

Had a dream last night that my cat Georgina had jumped out my window and hurt herself on the pavement outside. (Yes, it’s true! When I was little, I actually had CATS! Look, I have visual evidence!) Back inside at my feet, she felt all soft and fluffy and snugglishious and I wanted to curl up into a big hug with her but her toenails were clawing me, ouch!

People are like that sometimes. Warm and snuggly and accidentally hurting you. They don’t mean to.

Rumination is a big issue for me.

When something is going on in my world, I relive it again and again and again (dozens of times) in my mind. It’s like a cauldron of yukky stuff I’m taking a bath in. Ouch!

Yesterday I tried sending love to the person involved and shifting focus to another topic only to find my mind back there shortly thereafter, almost effortlessly and without even realizing it. This love-send-then-shift was good at first but then it became aggravating because I was starting to lose patience with myself after about the twentieth time.

Time for a new plan.

I tried out the word “compartmentalize” … picturing this stack of cubbies … picking the person up, putting them back into their cubby and closing the door on it. This works pretty well because I can actually laugh a bit as I see them scurry out of their cubbyhole and say, “Hey! How’d you get outa there?” … with a little bit more affection as I send them love.

I can even kiss them on the head before putting them back in and shutting the door.

I suspect I’m gonna have to continue working on this, as the pain I feel from rumination is quite intense but I’d say it’s a pretty good start.

Bunny said:

“I want to be evidence that there truly is hope that it can be done. We really can live spirit based, open-hearted, non-reactive - or at least if not non-reactive then committed to a quick willingness to do ‘the work,’ whatever form that takes, to get back on track.”

If you let go a little
You will have a little peace.
If you let go a lot
You will have a lot of peace.
If you let go completely
You will have complete peace.

—The Venerable Ajahn Chah, 20th century Buddhist monk

I just learned something pretty interesting! We all probably knew this already but hearing it put in this language was really illuminating for me and helped to really drive it home. I’m told this is from The Sedona Method and the idea is this: 

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We are not  our thoughts and we are not  our feelings … they are not attached  to us.

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We say, “I am  sad” … “I am  happy” … rather than the truer, “I feel  sad” … “I feel  happy.” This is something I never even thought about. Yet this tiny shift in language is a powerful one.

Because …

If thoughts and feelings ARE  us, if they are ATTACHED  to us, then they’re troublesome little devils. They’re stuck.

And sometimes, we need to let go.

When I separate myself with a little word like “feel” … that’s a good shift for me. I like it. Thoughts/feelings can come and go and I’m still here in full, radiant Col-ness.

This is good.

I would like to change my language to the latter, “I feel (whatever)” whenever possible … which I suppose is always … it’s always possible, right?

Anyway, here’s where I got this from … it’s a book called “Happy For No Reason” by Marci Shimoff.

Marci says:

In Borneo, the natives have an ingenious technique for capturing the wild monkeys that raid their crops and stores of food. They take an empty coconut shell and make a small hole in it, just large enough for a monkey’s hand. They put some rice into the coconut for bait and tie the coconut down to the ground. The thieving monkey, smelling the food, comes to investigate. He sticks his hand inside the coconut to grab the rice, but when he tries to pull his hand out, because it’s clasped in a fist around the rice, it won’t fit through the hole anymore. To escape, the monkey must let go of the rice. Because they won’t let go, the monkeys of Borneo remain trapped!

A lot of us are like those monkeys: trapped by our negative thoughts because we just won’t let go of them. And the more we resist them, the more they stick around. It doesn’t help to try pushing them away—they’ll just keep coming back.

Another way to address our troubling thoughts is to go beyond our minds and connect with the feelings associated with the negative thoughts. It’s the feeling that keeps the thought glued to the mind. When we welcome the feeling, accept it and then let it go, the thought will quite miraculously dissolve. An effective way to do this is through a simple, yet powerful, technique called the Sedona Method.

The Sedona Method is based on two main premises:

• Thoughts and feelings aren’t facts and they’re not you.
• You can let them go.

• At your core you already have the happiness you are seeking and all you need to do is uncover this natural happiness by letting go of the unhappiness or limitation that appears to be covering or obstructing it.

  Read more about it here: The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-Being

  
  

Today … and just in time, too! … I found this supercool article about How to Change the People Around You. HA!

First of all, don’t you just love and smile at and eat up the name of it? It’s just so delicious.

I so despise negativity and when people get mad at traffic and situations … and then I realized that my despising it is just another level of NOT Loving What Is.

Ok now it’s complicated here, try to stay with me!

Level One, which I have mastered beautifully, is to not get mad at the traffic or the situations or the stupid shit that arises all around me every day because it is just that. Stupid shit.

And it will rear its silly head each and every day as sure as I know the sun will rise.

And I may (or may not … often not) get tweaked for a split second before I realize it’s just stupid everyday stuff that is meant to be there. So often I will not even be irked at all, which is truly a delight. It just does NOT even matter.

If I do get miffed for a moment, I can pretend-vent-scream in my car for a split second and then laugh at the driver who did the exact same inane thing I may have done the week before.

I am doing stupid shit ALL the time, let me tell you, I am so imperfect that it allows for other drivers to be let off the hook dozens of times in memory of my own foibles.

And if I have not made that particular transgression, they still get a pass.

So those things are on Level One of Loving What Is.

Now, the more intricate and difficult to master and heretofore completely uncharted territory of Level Two is thinking that others should be Loving What Is. A-ha! You see? What a tricky web we weave when we are trying to be happy and free! We need to drag everybody else in on our joyride and they may not be coming! How dare they not come!

So now I need to allow them to be stuck in the muck. And to know that that is ok and to love that reality. Damn! That was hard for me.

Or not.

They should be Loving What Is … Is that true? Can I really know that that’s true? They should be upset … because they are. That is what is real and true. That is what is happening right now. Accept it and allow it to be.

I have the power to choose what I focus on and I can allow them to be what they are being right now without thinking they shouldn’t be it. I can still be what I am, that does not need to change. They are feeling upset. I am not.

And both things are ok. Both are perfect and right.

I’m up for a challenge. Level Two here I come, I’m ready to play!

 ( author unknown- coming to me via my brilliant friend Marian )

• A tendency to think and act deliberately rather than from fears based on past expectations
• An unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment
• A loss of interest in judging others
• A loss of interest in judging SELF
• A loss of interest in conflict
• A LOSS OF INTEREST IN INTERPRETING THE ACTIONS OF OTHERS ( Marian couldn’t help but enlarge this one! Hmm … why is that? )
• A loss of ability to worry
• Frequent overwhelming episodes of appreciation
• Contented feelings of connectedness with others and nature
• Increasing susceptibility to kindness offered and the uncontrollable urge to reciprocate
• AN INCREASING TENDENCY TO ALLOW THINGS TO UNFOLD RATHER THAN RESISTING AND MANIPULATING

Woweee! What good stuff! My friends also said this other good stuff …

Hi Col,

Wow, you sound…human. It is so easy to slip into the future and  to worrying about it and those voices in our head are there to keep us safe. They just go overboard some times. Stay in the present, man in front of you saying he (is not dating) anyone else. How do you feel when you think the thought, I need to know that he is not looking for someone else to protect myself? But you know all this and so do I. You are safe right now and none of us have guarantees about the future, each moment is a gift and you are a gift to the peaceful warriors, and  to your new friend. You continue to inspire me with your openness and awareness!! Stay present, continue to examine your thoughts and enjoy this relationship!

Much love,

Marian

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Hi Col:

First and foremost, remember this: You’ve already got more than half the battle won:  you’re developing the self-awareness to be able to notice when you are playing the game.    From here, change is possible!

So.. next step: what self-coaching questions can you shift  to whenever you find yourself playing that game?

I can imagine all kinds - these three - all very different - might help you shift to generating your own list:

What matters most?

If I were living a blissful life regardless of guy-status, what would I be doing now?

What am I not facing by playing the what if game?

Have fun with this - brainstorming good questions for yourself is strengthening your “I can choose again” muscle.

And one last thought: when you catch yourself playing what if…, its time to congratulate yourself for noticing, so that shifting  perspective is possible.    There is a pothole on this street - its called beating ourselves up when we notice as if we’ve caught ourselves doing something wrong -but that detours way off in the wrong direction, so mark it on your map but don’t go there!

Here’s a thought, kind of a simple-pool-of-water kind of a thought, that came after I read your note:

fall in love with yourself first

There is so much to love in you!  I can’t imagine our PW circle without your rich and generous spirit.

xoxo
Kim

————

Col,

What if, no matter what, you are going to end up with the perfect relationship? What if, the perfect man for you is going to find you? What if, he is the perfect man and what’s going on right now is all in your head….

Just a thought of some what if’s that can help you. REMEMBER, you make your own reality. Accept what is, if he is looking to date someone else and you find out, no matter what YOU’RE SAFE because you choose to be safe. No one can change that or take that from you. Love yourself and have confidence in your choices. Know that if you find out he’s lying and dating others than it is a blessing to know one more guy who ISN’T Mr. Right and be one step closer to the man who is.

What if, YOU ARE PERFECT just he way you ARE?! Let God’s light shine through your genuine personality and leave the worrying up to somebody else. Just enjoy what you do have and don’t fret on the what ifs… because the more you obsess the more likely you’ll bring that upon yourself.

Remember you are as safe as you choose to be. You can have a totally open heart with the agreement to yourself that no matter the
outcome, its okay! Because it was meant to be that way and it will always turn out right!

Lots of love and comfort to you,
Stephanie

(Where do I get this stuff?

Each situation I experience with another person is the perfect and necessary one for my evolution.

Because of this, it is important that I do not cling to negative emotions such as anguish, depression, frustration or anger and than I try to see it at every moment as what life wants to teach me.

Each person I know has a message for me and until I listen to it, it is highly probable (trust me! ) that it will be repeated.

In every situation, repeat to myself:
Everything is perfect.
In time, it will be crystal clear.

So that piece was paraphrased from some numerology or astrology thing which I excavated in my clearing process today, what a cool discovery! Great magic, great synchronicity!

A former therapist of mine had done this super-in-depth astro-workup on me and it’s actually really fascinating and really spot on although I’m at the same time thrilled to find that my own notes from that time are sooo very OFF … what I was looking for in a relationship sounds like some silly fairy tale  and my feelings were exaggerated and immature … BOY have I come a LONG way, DAMN! I would’a been a nightmare to have a relationship with, how come guys always said I was the best girlfriend they ever had? I had some pretty unhealthy patterns goin’ on there!

So nice and so great to breathe in the major difference I feel now. Thank you god, thank you universe!

So here is the modern-day piece:

What-If Scenarios

If I do pull a what-if, I do it out of self-protection. As a general rule, I am not a what-iffer. I do not believe in what-iffing, unless it’s what-if-UPping … “What if I go to work today and everybody loves me?”  That’s an example of some nice what-if-upping!

Nevertheless, there are occasions when I pull a fast one and take to what-iffing. I have been doing it a bunch lately, to my dismay. I need to keep redirecting myself.

Scenario A :: Worst-Case
“What if the guy I’m dating is looking for somebody else to hook up with on match.com? I need to know that and to protect myself” is the theoretical concept here.

Scenario B :: Pre-Approval
“I just want you to know that when we go to California, if I’m sick, I may want to lie down.” This is when I want someone to be prepared for a possible scenario, again to protect myself. In this scenario, the what-if that I’ve warned them about often doesn’t even occur. I may go, feel sick and then just suck it up and have fun anyway and the person wouldn’t even have known it. But I want them to understand that the possibility exists so they know what may happen and not get upset if it does happen. I want them to accept me, either way. To get pre-approval.

I need to find ways to make myself feel safe.

Ask myself:

• Is this coming from fear or is this a legitimate thing that’s happening? (Can I really know that it’s true?)
• What are the odds that it will happen?

Do what I can to “pick off” assumptions, like in a tin-can alley (is that what you call those things where you shoot the tin targets?)

• Replace the thought with a new one.
• Body work: deep breath, notice feet on floor, reach up … anything to interrupt the pattern.
• Get busy doing.

This one is a work in progress so I’ll keep you updated as I discover new and wondrous ways for Col to make herself feel s a f e !

I came to this really great conclusion shortly ago … one of those conclusions that feels peaceful so you know it’s just the right one. Sharing it with you.

‘Bout dating:

I decided I’m not going to base my decisions on fear, back-up plans or what somebody else is doing (meaning: are they dating other people or are they dating just me … “if they are dating others then I will date others, if they are not then I will not”).

What do *I* want to be doing? What makes *me* comfortable and happy? That’s all that’s important.

Simple and easy. I like it! (Don’t you?) J