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Sadness helps us grieve and let go. If we repress and deny sadness, we will inevitably become depressed. Psalm 30:5 says, “weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” Sadness is always the path to joy, because sadness signals a hurt that needs to be processed.

- Changes That Heal by Henry Cloud

Sadness is not depression. In fact, suppressing sadness can lead to depression.

“What? You’re full of it, Col!”

Oh if you only knew how not full if it I am, you’d be amazed!

Lately I’ve been allowing sadness to coexist and I have to tell you … I’ve never been happier!

Yes, it’s true.

Interesting thing about that. I used to wish it didn’t exist. And that only made me feel worse when it came. I’d feel sad and then on top of that, I’d feel upset about the sadness being there.

Not a good situation. Kind of a double-whammy.

Now that I allow it, it moves through me pretty quickly and it is not nearly as intense or scary. This is what works for me. It may work for you.

Express not repress.

• If I feel sadness, I may cry.

• I may lie down with a soft fluffy blanket for a few minutes (who are we kidding, maybe an hour even).

• I might talk to a friend (a really good one who knows I’m doing it to move through it not to wallow in it … big diff.)

• I accept it and respect it.

• I may ask, “What are you here to tell me?” (Sadness always answers, if you’re a really good listener.) And “tell” often means “teach.”

• I might write a little story in my journal.

• I may paint a picture.

But the important thing is the allowing. Because in that lies great power. It’s freeing. And that is what I wish for you, my friend! Freedom, freedom and more freedom. You deserve all the freedom your heart can hold!

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Once upon a time there was a girl who had depression. And it was baaaaaaad. He was a big, hairy monster that slept over every night and ate all her food.

RRRRrrraaAAWRH!

Ooh! y’scared me!

And he would not go away, no matter how hard she tried. I’ll tell you a secret. It hurt so much she wished she could die.

Craigie told me:

There are two ways of “doing” in life and they look the same but couldn’t be more different.

One is running away from the monster and the other is moving towards the light.

When you’re thinking, “I have to pay the bills, I have to do this, I have to do that” and that is pushing you and you’re going, going, going … that’s running from the monster. When you feel pain and you try to run from it, that’s running from the monster.

You’re running so it seems like you must be going somewhere but in truth you’re not getting anywhere. When you’re working at your computer and you begin to feel that stress in your belly … STOP.

Stop and do something. Go for a walk. Take a nap. Pick up the phone. Something which nurtures you.

Am I feeling …

• Hungry?
• Angry?
• Lonely?
• Tired?

• If so, HALT … stop and go take care of that. Nurturing yourself is on the first floor and you can’t go rushing up to the thirty-eighth floor, you need to begin on the first floor.

  When you haven’t taken care of *you*, the monster starts whispering things in your ear and he’s a liar.

  He may tell you that you can’t deal with this. He may tell you you’re not good at living. The monster is lying to you, he wants you dead, the f*cker!

  So there are bills to pay. There are very few truly *big* things in life. Are you going to bed hungry? No. Are you living without a roof over your head? No. You’re safe. You’re ok. And if you’re not, then call me.

  When the pain and fear comes up, sit and meditate on it. Be with it. Don’t escape it, face it head on. It hurts but if you FEEL what the pain is like, you’ll realize that the FEAR of it was much worse and longer than the actual “labor pain” of hurt … it passes in about 30 minutes, I find, truly.

  At the end of the day, put a line down the middle of the piece of paper and ask yourself, “how much of this day was spent with the monster winning and how much of the day was spent moving towards the light?” and hopefully more than half will be the latter. That is your goal.

  Moving towards the light looks like doing things which feel right and good in your soul. Moving towards the light means taking care of *you*. Because if you don’t do that, you’re no good for anyone. You need to begin on the first floor.

  Feed, clothe, rest and comfort your mind and body the way you would an 8 year old you found in the rain in front of your house who had no memory where he/she belonged.

  Craigie wakes up in the morning and goes right down on his knees and thanks God in advance that more time is going to be spent today in moving towards the light. Then he reads something nurturing to line up how he wants his day to go. Before e-mail, before turning the phone on, before anything. Frame your day.

  When I hear the monster, it helps even just to recognize it as the monster and to know that the monster lies. When I hear, “there is so much to do, I can’t do it all, I can’t handle this” I know that there is only one thing to do and that is the one thing I am doing right now. Each moment there is only one thing. And everything is ok and everything will continue to *be* ok.

   

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  Warm hugs and a huge “thank you” to Craigie for requesting the *long* version of my story, for taking the time to listen and to care and for showering me with such strong language and empowering words of wisdom.

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  Share on Facebook :: Visit Rocks in My Dryer for more Works-For-Me-Wednesday ideas! :: Lil’ monster illustration by moi!

I

am

proactive!

Ok so I was sorta down because I don’t have this fabulous relationship and all this stuff I though I’d have by the age of 42, right? So then I figured, hey … what are some things that I *get* to do because I’m a single girl, with no kids, with no boyfriend, free, and all that? All the things I was bummed about not having, well what are the things I get to do because I don’t have those things? What does happy single Col GET to do?

“Get” is such a great word! I love “get”!

So on Friday night I got to dress up in this ultra-sexy top which I had questioned the plunge of when I bought it (would the guy I was dating approve of all this cleavage? Well, look ma, no guy!) and strappy shoes … oh, right and jean capris, I did in fact have bottoms on … and go out with my friend Veronica to this cool place with brick walls and candlelight to take a salsa class and dance for three hours with this cute 6’ 1” guy who is at least 10 years younger than me and on Saturday night I got to go back and do it all again, why? Because I FELT like it!

And I got to say yes when he asked me to be his dance partner for the rest of the summer.

I got to plan whatever I want for whenever I want.

I got to work out three times last week and I got to feel absolutely great about that.

I got to go kayaking in the crazy, choppy waves with Rich, laughing my butt off and feeling like I was in some bad movie, with some best boy hired to toss buckets of water on me at all the worst moments … NEVER sit in the front, ladies, NEVER sit in the front! “Aaaw, he’s lettin’ me sit in the front, how nice!” NO! It’s NOT nice! He’s a big pussy bastard, that’s what it is!

I got to go to the beach in my bikini and lie in the sun like a little mermaid.

I got to plan to go whitewater rafting with Holly and her super-enthused son. I got to think what other adrenaline-junkie adventures a single mermaid could dream up.

I got to not eat artificial colors and artificial flavors and red wine and cheese and high fructose corn syrup and other things and I got to see that my pain lessened. Which may be a coincidence and may be by design. And I got to choose.

I got to start up a list of what works for me food-wise because certain foods work just great for me and I get to be in control of my life. And sometimes I can have some of what doesn’t work and I can have a little bit of that if I choose and I can also choose not to if I want not to. It’s all about choice.

And moderation.

And nothing is wrong. Just a different choice.

And everything is passing. If I make one choice in this moment, I live with that choice in that moment and tomorrow I will make a new choice, which may be different and it may be similar, it’s ever-evolving.

I had a revelation. I didn’t owe money. I got out of debt and I was so not wanting to be back there. Then I invested money in annarosejewelry.com and suddenly I had debt again, wow I bummed out about that for a bit … it was my fantasy hope to only use money I had and to be tarnish-free for the rest of my life! But you know what? It’s ok. It’s not like I’m ten thousand dollars in debt or something.

Plus, Life is to be lived.

Right? And as far as I can see, I’m not dead yet.