So this week I was pestered (occasionally, like a little fly that kept returning to buzz around my face) by the memory of an unpleasant experience with my ex boyfriend. You know the one, the only ex who isn’t sweet to me.

“Aaah, that one!”

Yes, that’s the one.

I was remembering when I went to do something nice and he responded with misplaced anger.

So I decided to go on a little radical forgiveness spree courtesy of Colin Tipping and who’da thunk it, I made a tremendous shift. A leap really.

Colin says, “Life here on earth is meant to be an emotional experience. It’s what we signed up for.”

Guess I didn’t look at the papers when I signed up. Dang. Always look at the papers! (And at this point I picture smacking myself on the forehead in a very Chris-Farley-esque manner.)

“People give us the opportunity to feel our feelings. There’s a certain perfection in that.”

Radical forgiveness is not about lowering your boundaries. If someone is toxic, stay away. But, from a distance, definitely do the work because they’ve presented you with an opportunity for healing and it’s really a gift.

Before my experience with my ex, I had no idea that I could be strong enough to stand in the face of someone who was spewing rage and not give it back to them. To maintain who I want to be in the world. And in that realization was a tremendous gift.

I truly had no idea.

I had grown up with the belief, “It’s not possible to have a good relationship” and the realization that I can be who I want to be regardless of what’s going on around me is helping me to shatter that myth.

And then there’s the part about people mirroring what you’ve shut off in yourself.

Another gift.

I know for sure that I’ve detached from anger. As a matter of fact, one day a kid I was teaching art to seemed to blow off our session after I had rearranged things to make it there and when it bugged me, I self-judged, “WHAT is WRONG with me??” as if I’m not allowed to have feelings.

Looking at my ex as a mirror of the shadow side I was denying helped me to remember it’s ok to have feelings. You don’t need to deny them, you can feel it and then move on. It’s what you do with them that matters. As long as you treat people with respect, no problem.

“It’s a healing dance. When you’re in resistance, nothing changes. The more you accept yourself just the way you are, the more you change. It’s a paradox.”

So today I’m doing a little healing tango. I think I like this dance.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Quotes are from Colin Tipping, author of Radical Forgiveness, Making Room for the Miracle :: Artwork by Mary Larsson, “In My Heart” may be purchased at AllPosters.com :: Visit Rocks in My Dryer for more Works-For-Me-Wednesday ideas! :: Share on Facebook

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .