So here’s the thing. I can be safe and secure without knowing where things are going.

“C’mon, Col … what? You?”

Yes, me. Look. Here I am safe and secure on the rockin’ rollercoaster … and having a BLAST might I add. Picture this … it’s dark, you don’t know where you’re going, you couldn’t get off if you wanted to … and it’s A FUN RIDE.

That can be life. Trust. Everything is being taken care of. I feel peaceful and confident. Nobody can hurt me.

The key is to stay in the moment and enjoy what’s happening RIGHT NOW.

Appreciate each new surprise. Remember, it’s a rollercoaster going up and down and all around.

My ex-boyfriend showed me what it’s like to be safe and secure. Now I know what that feels like and it’s a little bit like this …

• rushing water
• pink
• hip-hop music
• strutty
• trust
• peace
• confidence
• love
• hope
• harmony
• strength
• I’m ok right here, right now … at any moment

So my next task is to finish up my Jedi training so I can be in the relationship that’s right around the corner. He’s no longer the life preserver so a guy is now free to be in my life in a fresh, new way. (Thank you, Mary, for pointing this out to me!)

So now is when I let go and enjoy the ride.

.

“When they attack you and you notice that you love them with all your heart, your Work is done.” 

- Byron Katie

When someone you love to the ends of the world and back is mentally bashing you in the face without a good reason, you just have to know they’re hurting sooooooo badly. And each time you hear “f** you,” it’s really “I’m in pain.”

It may be very faint but if you listen real hard, I know you’ll hear it.

Had a dream last night that my cat Georgina had jumped out my window and hurt herself on the pavement outside. (Yes, it’s true! When I was little, I actually had CATS! Look, I have visual evidence!) Back inside at my feet, she felt all soft and fluffy and snugglishious and I wanted to curl up into a big hug with her but her toenails were clawing me, ouch!

People are like that sometimes. Warm and snuggly and accidentally hurting you. They don’t mean to.

Rumination is a big issue for me.

When something is going on in my world, I relive it again and again and again (dozens of times) in my mind. It’s like a cauldron of yukky stuff I’m taking a bath in. Ouch!

Yesterday I tried sending love to the person involved and shifting focus to another topic only to find my mind back there shortly thereafter, almost effortlessly and without even realizing it. This love-send-then-shift was good at first but then it became aggravating because I was starting to lose patience with myself after about the twentieth time.

Time for a new plan.

I tried out the word “compartmentalize” … picturing this stack of cubbies … picking the person up, putting them back into their cubby and closing the door on it. This works pretty well because I can actually laugh a bit as I see them scurry out of their cubbyhole and say, “Hey! How’d you get outa there?” … with a little bit more affection as I send them love.

I can even kiss them on the head before putting them back in and shutting the door.

I suspect I’m gonna have to continue working on this, as the pain I feel from rumination is quite intense but I’d say it’s a pretty good start.

Bunny said:

“I want to be evidence that there truly is hope that it can be done. We really can live spirit based, open-hearted, non-reactive - or at least if not non-reactive then committed to a quick willingness to do ‘the work,’ whatever form that takes, to get back on track.”

When Rocks in My Dryer asks about favorite online shopping … well, what’s a girl to do but point-point-point enthusiastically in the direction of the loveliest Valentine’s Day jewelry EVER with the BIGGEST HEART in the world? If you don’t know what I’m talkin’ bout, you obviously haven’t been hanging out with me enough. (Drop me a line, stranger!)

20% of the profits go to programs which support communication and understanding for children with autism and round about now there’s a little Valentine’s sale goin’ on too, which kicks up the “go ahead, do it!” factor just a hair.